• Campbell Whitman

Bad Apple? Or Good Seed?

The best explanation I can give to anyone about what it's like to raise most boys, rings similar doing a great job over and over and eventually to get shit done, you just excuse him from doing anything at all. When you grow up this way, you expect this "free pass" your whole life. And when you grow up (female) with a brother, it just becomes expected that you will do more than him as a standard of living. And thus the cycle continues.....for generations......


I struggle all the time with the idea that I am not only raising him but also sending him into a different world than all the men that came before him. It's a more conscious world in general, but it's also a world that is eager to see more balance on the scale of male and female roles within society. I don't want to grow a bad apple, I want to grow a good seed and plant one in his head early-on about what is the more appropriate way to coincide in life with the opposite sex. You know, to be more mindful. Then he can grow his own children in a hopefully fairer world. And then, somebody's seed can truly benefit from the movement in the right direction.


As he photobombs a serene shot of his sisters in an apple orchard, personally, I want to pelt him with apples myself. But that would clearly be counterproductive, and so, my general level of frustration keeps growing. Why is it that most girls listen to you when you raise them and most boys don't? Having three girls and one boy myself, I certainly see the difference.


It's just that boys get so many more free passes. It's not from doing a great job, it's from not doing a great job over and over and eventually to get shit done, you just excuse him from doing anything at all. When you grow up this way, you expect this "free pass" your whole life. And when you grow up (female) with a brother, it just becomes expected that you will do more than him as a standard of living. And thus the cycle continues.....for generations......


But, I ask with not as much patience as I used to have, "How on earth do we break the cycle?" Because for the first 3 years of his life I expected better from him, no, I demanded better from him. But the last three and a half years have proven the cycle wins every time. I do not have the same energy to fight these battles anymore. Help a mama out. My sanity, but more importantly our future, is clearly at stake here...